If First Dates Were Honest

Hey there, im sorry if this is a bit much, but i feel like i cant just not share this info. The more people i can save from unneeded heartbreak the better.

Im gonna talk about falling out of love, and how to avoid it.

falling out of love does have a system, and happens through a thew ways. first of all is something very real, called the “passion cycle”, which is a two week period after climax where your hormones are imbalanced. this happens for everyone. men, woman, and whatever else. These hormone imballance create moodswings, aswell as other things like irritability, jelousy and more, sound familiar?

lets say, you found your partner put a plate into the sink instead of the dishwasher. (on the passion cycle) youd be very annoyed and you confront them. now you go to your partner to complain, however, they are also on the passion cycle, and therefor irritable. which results in a full blown argument.. over a fuckin late. sure a day or a week of this wont do anything, but 4 years?
Youd be surprised how quickly you would just put the plate into the dishwasher and laugh about your partners “endearing” forgetfullness.

another is the “coolidge effect”, which is a phenominon where you find mates, that you didnt sleep with, more attractive than mates you have slept with. Since our gens would always prefer gens from a new mate, even if that mate is less ideal. Since it result in more gen combos, which makes the species more likely to survive. This is also the reason many ch-eat.

another is the fact that with sexual satiety, woman (usually) get more cuddly, or less sexual, while men (usually) get more sexual. this paired with the next part is the reason many people are like “he isnt giving me attention” or “she never wants to mate anymore”.

now this point is more of an explanation on why the other points work, this is because of your amygdala. the guardian of your brain. the amygdala is a part of your limbic system, which is the part of your brain that is responsible for your emotions. and the amygdala is the very first checkpoint every new info goes to. fight or flight! an example: youre walking around at night, suddenly you see something jump out of the bushes beside you!! the amygdala gets it first: “possible threat left!” you jump to your right, only a little later can the brain then say: “small, fluffy body, two long ears, encountered before. harmless.”. which calms the amygdala down.
However lets say instead the brain says: “small body, furr, 8 legs, fast, THREAT!!”. Your amygdala would go into overdrive and get you out of there, or fight the overgrown spider.

the point is that everything you experience goes through the amygdala first, and it decides if its a threat or not, love and hate. and when your partner is irritating you all the time, or is, in your eyes just not giving you attention (or anything of the sorts) . your amygdala can quickly say: “get rid of them, they always do this, say that!! they are a THREAT!!”. problem is however, your brain cant calm it down. its not like a bunny where you are immediately like “oh no i like those”, you do have a problem with your parter. and the amygdala makes sure that stays unless calmed down with oxytocin (more on that now)

and all this is basically set in stone, if you climax in the relationship. You can however do karezza instead, which is more focused on bonding.

btw my source is a book by marina robinson called “cupids poisoned arrow”, its full of studies and science. and her husband is actually the guy behind YBOP (your brain on yk what). great read, highly recommend.

NOW, if youre still reading, ill tell you how to avoid falling out of love! And have lifelong, deep love.

we are bonding based mammals, and we bond through a system aswell. even if we dont have a “this gives so many bonding points” system, since the brain dont work with such plain logic, we still know what behaviors deepen and create love! robinson called these behaviors “bonding behaviors”, and ill list some to give you an idea: kissing (with tongue aswell), holding hands, words of love, hugs and cuddles (with intent to comfort, dont just feel them up), skin to skin contact, the thing babys do to get milk (on both men and woman), laying a hand over the others “area” (with intent to comfort). giving and receiving massages. eye contact for a couple of seconds, synced breathing, eating a meal made for you and making a meal for your beloved. And more.
all these activities release a hormone called “oxytocin”, also called the cuddle or love hormone! and having a lot of it (through natural ways) actually has some great benefits! mostly because of stress reduction, but also other stuff. for example: did you know wounds heal faster when your in love? up to twice as fast! crazy right? our bodys reward us when we follow our natural desires. to a specific point anyway. bonding is a important part of procreation after all. btw giving releases a lot of oxytocin aswell, and a lot at that.

Theres a lot i had to leave out, and a lot of important into thats just too much to write out here. I do really recomend getting the book yourself.

Anyway all the luck and love :>

this sucks

I was on a date a long time ago. The girl accidentally spilled her water all over her dress and was really embarrassed, so I poured water all over my lap. The date went well after that for some reason. FYI Don’t get married my young brothers.

Crazy how much things have changed in 10 years. Wow. (genZ per perspective.)